intense recap

well, this semester has hosted a huge transformation for me. from being trapped in a horrible relationship to finally getting out and happily falling into a healthy one. from making work that had to do solely with advertisements to leaving them all behind and making work that involves the figure. i had to bite the bullet and get a job two thirds of the way through, only to take a bunch of time off to get through crits and reviews. it all happened so fast, i feel i should take the time to reiterate how ive grown and whos helped. first of all, i owe megan, gissett, and chris huge thanks for their honesty, support, and for pretty much holding my hand to help me not only conquer that relationship, but to put my foot down and stop the subsequent stalking. since then, ive started talking to a counselor here at school, and she and chris are helping me to regain my self value, to set boundaries for how people are allowed to treat me, and to learn how to tell people no. last semester, in critiques i was being questioned about my use of advertisements, and at my first semester review, i promised i would try new things in my work, from subject, to the medium. when the visiting artist from the intense concentration show (her name escapes me) came to my studio, she suggested that i just start all over with my work. from scratch. that is something hard to hear, but at that moment in my life where i was escaping a kind of prison, it was absolutely liberating. but where to start is scary. i started with the self portraits. having to do with drinking and being an enabler. but the message wasnt clear, they were more like cathartic drawings i had to do in order to cross some lines in my own head, beginning a journey. thats where the first video, 'goodbye' comes in. but as i had mentioned before, my ptg/drwg critique stated what i already knew: the drawings didnt say much, and who cares about my self portrait and who cares if i drink? the video, however, spoke more about what i wanted to say, without being literal. then after hearing that i dont need to draw nudes because they are simultaneously typical and loaded with art historical references i wasnt addressing, i kept going from my gut. then the other visiting artist, rosalyn schwartz came to my studio and somehow quickly linked all of my different kinds of work together and encouraged me to roll the walls in my studio black and play with it. paint objects black and make still lives or create environments. i had the idea to draw/paint black on black and mysteriously to me, begun to have the word brooding swim around in circles in my head. and for some reason, i wanted photos of myself (i am always a willing and available model) in the bathtub, but not nude. this photo shoot, i wound up drawing from, printing from, and making another video from. i gave into the torment and needed to read the definition for the word, even though i already generally knew what it meant. i was amazed:1. preoccupied with depressing, morbid, or painful memories or thoughts, and 2. cast in subdued light as to convey a somewhat threatening atmosphere. i mean, is that just perfect, or what? i also realized im having some kind of affinity for liquid. pouring and spilling especially. i feel it might be a metaphor for something, but im almost to what. the video i wanted to be about pouring and spilling different liquids over and over. but why? when i began editing, i decided to cut out all the pouring scenes i was in love with so much and wanted instead to build up the anticipation for it. the interjecting scenes are of fabric floating in the water (me in the bathtub) and the audio is the slow, repetitious sound of sharpening knives. end of semester critiques, as i wrote in the last blog, were positive and encouraging. i definitley want to keep my work ambiguous and open. ill be taking ptg/drwg in the summer, and in the upcoming semesters i will definitely be taking printmaking and digital media again. if a video class specifically is offered, ill be there, i feel like it is a medium that speaks for me in a way i didnt know it would. grad school is definitely an adventure within the grander adventure of Art and my life, and im open to everything. thank you everyone involved. ~vikky