intense recap

well, this semester has hosted a huge transformation for me. from being trapped in a horrible relationship to finally getting out and happily falling into a healthy one. from making work that had to do solely with advertisements to leaving them all behind and making work that involves the figure. i had to bite the bullet and get a job two thirds of the way through, only to take a bunch of time off to get through crits and reviews. it all happened so fast, i feel i should take the time to reiterate how ive grown and whos helped. first of all, i owe megan, gissett, and chris huge thanks for their honesty, support, and for pretty much holding my hand to help me not only conquer that relationship, but to put my foot down and stop the subsequent stalking. since then, ive started talking to a counselor here at school, and she and chris are helping me to regain my self value, to set boundaries for how people are allowed to treat me, and to learn how to tell people no. last semester, in critiques i was being questioned about my use of advertisements, and at my first semester review, i promised i would try new things in my work, from subject, to the medium. when the visiting artist from the intense concentration show (her name escapes me) came to my studio, she suggested that i just start all over with my work. from scratch. that is something hard to hear, but at that moment in my life where i was escaping a kind of prison, it was absolutely liberating. but where to start is scary. i started with the self portraits. having to do with drinking and being an enabler. but the message wasnt clear, they were more like cathartic drawings i had to do in order to cross some lines in my own head, beginning a journey. thats where the first video, 'goodbye' comes in. but as i had mentioned before, my ptg/drwg critique stated what i already knew: the drawings didnt say much, and who cares about my self portrait and who cares if i drink? the video, however, spoke more about what i wanted to say, without being literal. then after hearing that i dont need to draw nudes because they are simultaneously typical and loaded with art historical references i wasnt addressing, i kept going from my gut. then the other visiting artist, rosalyn schwartz came to my studio and somehow quickly linked all of my different kinds of work together and encouraged me to roll the walls in my studio black and play with it. paint objects black and make still lives or create environments. i had the idea to draw/paint black on black and mysteriously to me, begun to have the word brooding swim around in circles in my head. and for some reason, i wanted photos of myself (i am always a willing and available model) in the bathtub, but not nude. this photo shoot, i wound up drawing from, printing from, and making another video from. i gave into the torment and needed to read the definition for the word, even though i already generally knew what it meant. i was amazed:1. preoccupied with depressing, morbid, or painful memories or thoughts, and 2. cast in subdued light as to convey a somewhat threatening atmosphere. i mean, is that just perfect, or what? i also realized im having some kind of affinity for liquid. pouring and spilling especially. i feel it might be a metaphor for something, but im almost to what. the video i wanted to be about pouring and spilling different liquids over and over. but why? when i began editing, i decided to cut out all the pouring scenes i was in love with so much and wanted instead to build up the anticipation for it. the interjecting scenes are of fabric floating in the water (me in the bathtub) and the audio is the slow, repetitious sound of sharpening knives. end of semester critiques, as i wrote in the last blog, were positive and encouraging. i definitley want to keep my work ambiguous and open. ill be taking ptg/drwg in the summer, and in the upcoming semesters i will definitely be taking printmaking and digital media again. if a video class specifically is offered, ill be there, i feel like it is a medium that speaks for me in a way i didnt know it would. grad school is definitely an adventure within the grander adventure of Art and my life, and im open to everything. thank you everyone involved. ~vikky

crits and review

so i was so nervous for the review, and for no reason! somehow i made it through, despite all my obstacles, (having to get a job and my external hard drive failure) and am extremely happy with the results! good feedback, great questions, and encouragement came from each critique. and happlily, the work isnt literal, melodramatic, or (the dreaded) obvious. i think its because ive been working straight from my intuition and not overthinking anything. so when i told them that in the review, they asked why i made certain formal and compositional decisions to help me figure out where it is im going. but they didnt discuss the video i made, which in digital critique i showed a shorter version of. AND while i was trying to add to it to draw it out more and heighten the anticitpation, is where i ran into the biggest snag ever! my damn bookbag fell off a chair with my external hard drive in it accompanied by 2 cans of paint, leaving it a mess and inacessable. thats what i was building the movie on, so thats where all the clips and footage is. not to mention ALL my photos from the past 6 years or so of my life... >sigh< so but i couldnt worry about that. LUCKILY(!), i had burned the .dv file to the dvd instead of using iDVD, and thats what saved me! but of course i had to clean my computer out a bit (couple hours worth) before i could even attempt to start a new project and import that file and chop it back up, upload a bit more footage, and reedit the sound in audacity after downloading that program. needless to say, i was wound up tight in stress. but i made it :) im happy with the new version, which is now a minute longer and i showed it on a black fabric i hung in my studio along with my black drawings. it works well all together, i think, giving it the feel of a moving drawing. jennings liked the parallel of the black fabric as the backdrop and that black fabric is in the video as well. as for the drawings, i had also wanted to have black paintings, but didnt get that far quick enough. however, i decided to try a new surface instead of the crappy black paper i used already. i got some 4x8 sheets of hardboard (which involved my extremely helpful boyfriend and his truck) and applied a coat of black gesso to draw on. it is sweet. it really allows the rich, velvety blacks and the subtle variations in values to come through. next one, ill definitely use some sandpaper and another coat of the gesso though, for more richness and less evidence of the paintbrush strokes. for now, im working (last minute, of course) on prints for the printmaking crit on tuesday. unfortunately, i have to work 3 shifts this weekend to be able to make rent, so hopefully i can pull through!! and THEN ill worry about that how to get all my data off that hard drive....

narrowing it down

i thought the critique of my video 'goodbye' was awesome, it had some criticism, but i was mostly elated to hear that i had, for once, met in the middle of obvious and too vague, so i felt i was ready to work on my painting/drawing critique. but first, i had to stress out and paint for luminaria. i painted on two sheets of 3' x 4' plexi and dropped petals from my collection of dried roses from past relationships in between, sealing them in forever. in contrast to the artist i was showing with, yvette shadrock, whose piece was immaculately white and clean, my painting was dark and dirty, which i was completely happy with :) spring break then was a whirlwind of ideas... ive been working with nude portraits a great deal, and tried incorporating text with them to indicate a power struggle. i also drew a large self-portrait with the giant word 'lush' encompassing the all-together 8 smaller self-portraits from the shadows. but alas, in critique yesterday, i knew i was back to the obviousness im trying to get away from. the drawings are cathartic to me, but it was suggested that im adding to much information with the figure and the text together, so i will make attempts at them separately and see what happens. i thought i was creating layers, but too many, it seems, and the wrong kind, as i was also advised that the nudes arent necessary, they are often typical, expected, and reminiscent of figure drawing class. they also dont show faces, so they are non-confrontational, and more seductive rather than intense and uncomfortable. so i am back to the drawing board again (hahaha), but with more, hopefully clearer ideas, and without loaded, literal, or melodramatic results. As for leslie's class, i would like to make another video and/or sound piece, but i havent quite got my idea yet. with a month before more critiques and the semester review, ive got to get it figured out now... however, ive been looking at more artists, and am inspired to keep trying new ideas and working through to what i want :)

midterm madness!!!

i am feverishly working on editing my video, and have realized two things: that i have way too much footage, and that it isnt lit very well. so i have reshot video, and simplified the whole thing a great deal. my goal is to have it down to approximately 3 mins as opposed to the previous 30... my other main concern is that it might be too literal or obvious, which is a recurring issue in alot of my work. so i hope to remedy the problem by chopping clips up more, rearranging them in not such a linear or narrative fashion, and by omitting some parts all together. in my other work, im focusing on juxtaposing images to suggest ideas other than what you can literally see, and so i hope to accomplish the same in this video. in the meantime, im stressing out about my piece for luminaria. i hope i can get that successfully done by friday! its a painting layered on two sheets of plexiglas that are mounted together. its fairly large, and i dont have much more time, so i have to keep it simple as well.... printmaking crit last week was good, and i have many new ideas for prints :) painting/drawing crits have started, luckily mine is after spring break so i can get my head together and work on my drawings! my stalker situation has ceased to exist, and so i have much more freedom to think and focus now, the only thing in my way now is that some of my work is addressing how much i drink, and i drink when im making it.... so as a result im not at my studio too much, and i sometimes end up trashed and not getting things done as fast as i had planned. i definitely need to cut that out asap if im going to make it through grad school. (!!!) even though my mind is in a MUCH better place and im taking way better care of myself, (save the bottles and bottles of wine....) i find my work is very much revolving around that time in my life. maybe thats why im still drinking, (even though it is substantially less....) i feel like this work will help me deal with it all so i can let it go. and as a bonus, maybe it will speak to other people too. SO much to do!!! cheers!! (just kidding!! :)

slowly but more surely...

im doing some extremely important things lately, but i feel like my feet are dragging a little in terms of my new art. i know its because my life is in the way. i was having a hard time realizing the fact that my ex is now harassing/stalking me, but i went to get help, and it all clicked. since then ive talked to campus police, sapd (i filed a harassment report), and some of the faculty about the situation. im also trying to not be alone too often case he shows up. he's extremely manipulative and persistant, but im proud to say that im coming out of this on top. :) i have an awesome support system in my friends, family, and fellow students that im eternally grateful for, so i know i wont falter anymore. ive been liberated from the frustration of being confused and im excited about focusing in on my work. (which i know is the point of this blog, not really therapy,) so on that note, i have been uploading video clips ive been taking and am anxious to learn some editing techniques. ive also been thinking about the online exhibition project and need to narrow down ideas, and collect some more info. Im slacking in my drawing and printmaking classes a bit, so i really need to kick my own ass and get to work!! there's so many shows coming up!!

semester 2!!

i borrowed a video cam from school and have been workin on a video piece all weekend! im having the slightest problem uploading the film to my computer, but ill figure it out. im excited about editing it already... also im looking forward to doing 1 or 2 sound pieces, as i love sound art. hills snyder and luz maria sanchez were a huge inspiration for that. my pieces are going to be about raw emotion, deceit, relationships, and how bad they are. eh, im in a messed up time in my life, but luckily, i try to make art. :) im thinking this might be my most difficult and my experimental semester. i mean, it could always get worse, no doubt, but i have to start all over in terms of my work, i have to say goodbye to and abandon my advertisements, i have to get away and stay away from a horribly draining person i was with for 3 yrs (which isnt easy, he holds the record for calling 125 (!!!) times in a row in a single afternoon... literally.), not to mention how Lost i feel and hence, how much im drinking. so, despite my setbacks, i hope to experiment a whole lot and and make some art that is at least necessarily cathartic if nothing else :) bear with me guys.... and ill take all the comments and ideas you have to offer!! thanks! ~vikky